The last biography I read (though
not a recent release) was “Teacher Man” by Frank McCourt. Being in the
education sector, I was able to relate to his trials and travails, joys and
jubilations over being a teacher. When I read the synopsis for “Educated”, I
was intrigued. Another aspect of education, it’s a story of triumph despite the
circumstances and obstacles along the way to success. I was curious as to how
Tara Westover, inconsistently “homeschooled” and indoctrinated into the evils
of the secular world, was able to achieve a Ph.D., and find success in a world
outside of Buck’s Peak in rural Idaho. But beyond just the regular storytelling
and biographical anecdotes, Tara’s accounts touched on many topics that are
popular in today’s media culture and in other age-old issues that (hu)mankind
has had to deal with.
(Watch out for
spoilers!)
Religion
“This story is
not about Mormonism.”
- Tara Westover, Author’s Note in “Educated”
-
The author’s family is of the
Mormon faith. She recounts how an ancestor of hers came to be baptized in the
faith. Readers who are limited to the Mormon interpretation of an old South
Park episode will be surprised that even within, there are divisions that separate mainstream Mormons from the kind of Mormonism that Westover’s family practiced.
This clarifies that the way her family does things (doomsday prepping, holistic
and herbalistic medicine, homeschooling) is not commonly practiced by others
who also recognize Joseph Smith as their prophet. She makes clear that her
story is about the people, the characters who may so happen to be Mormons (or
not!). That being said, it touches on issues that even non-Mormons may
encounter and experience.
Fatalism
“Remember when
Luke burned his leg?” Dad said, as if I could forget. “That was the Lord’s
plan. It was a curriculum. For your mother. So she would be ready for what
would happen to me.”
This sort of fatalism is prevalent
in many folk religions and more common in the olden days when people back then
did not have access to the technology we have now to combat diseases and to
predict the next weather disturbance so that we may be better prepared for it.
The fact that this thinking is still prevalent in this day and age seems to
indicate the unwillingness to take personal responsibility for situations that
could have been prevented. While I admit that there is also a group of parents
who “over-parent” and try to avoid any harm to come to their child, it shouldn’t
be an excuse for not giving proper care and medical attention when needed. In
Tara’s family, they never went to the hospital and would avoid seeing the
doctors no matter how badly hurt they may be. Everything is “cured”
holistically which actually led to her mom’s home business of selling herbal
medicine and essential oils taking off as a big commercial
venture. Whether this is divine intervention or simply a
lucky twist of fate, it doesn’t excuse the fact that they failed to give the
care needed when sickness and injury occurs, which is tantamount to neglect.
Role of Women
“The next
morning I found Dad in the kitchen, dumping flour into a glue-like substance I
assumed was supposed to be pancake batter. When he saw me, he dropped the flour
and sat at the table. “You’re a woman, aint’cha?” he said. “Well, this here’s
the kitchen.”
The role of women in Tara’s family
was clearly defined. Dictated by very old-fashioned traditional gender roles, it
also defines the wife’s and the husband’s roles.
“That’s wifely
work,” Dad said. “I’ve never heard of a man writing cards.”
- on writing thank you cards to guests at the funeral
Tara also bucks the role that
she is expected to play. She realized that if she stayed in Buck’s Peak, she
would simply be having babies and her mother
would be the tending midwife. This didn’t
appeal to her and she was encouraged to take the
American College Testing (ACT) by an older brother who was able to escape their little neck of the woods and the stranglehold
of their family’s beliefs.
Many other cultures still hold traditional gender roles as sacred. Is this due to
religious or cultural beliefs? Is it subjugation of women by men? Are men intimidated by how much women may accomplish
given the opportunity? Whatever the reasons are, this is not isolated to the
Westovers of Idaho.
Family Loyalty
“Every time I
suggested that Shawn was violent or manipulative in any way, Dad shouted at me:
“Where’s your proof? Do you have proof?”
Tara describes how she has been
estranged by half of her immediate family because she refused to admit that she
may have been wrong about how her brother treats his siblings and his wife. The great divide was between those who had pursued higher education and those who
had not; between those who had moved and lived outside of their little neck of
the woods and those who stayed and worked for the family business.
“But when my own
mother didn’t believe me, I stopped believing myself.”
-Audrey,
Tara’s sister, on reporting to her mother
about Shawn’s
treatment of her
Though broken, Shawn was physically
violent and unstable. Instead of defending the victims, the parents chose to
defend the abuser—saying that he was “broken” and needed the support and
understanding of his family. But in doing so, the parents alienated and failed
to acknowledge that they had other children in the family who literally
suffered under his hands. Though there seemed to be moments when the mom seemed
torn and seemed to show support for Tara, in the end, for whatever reasons she
may have, she would fold and harp the same beliefs that her husband would
espouse leaving Tara hanging dry.
I gritted my teeth when the author
described these moments, and I thought myself lucky that I was merely a passive
reader than an actual character in the scene unfolding. Then I realized that
Tara’s experience is not all that uncommon. How many times have we been told to
sweep things under the rug rather than expose a family member for the mental
illness that they may have? How many times have we suggested a family member
get professional help only to be scoffed at for even suggesting we pay a total
stranger for listening to personal grievances? And should you dare rock the
boat and break the status quo, you’re persona non grata. You ruined the “peace
and quiet” in the family, and YOU’RE the troublemaker although you’re the one
trying to help nip the situation in the bud and prevent something worse from
happening.
Same thing with Tara. She refused
to play the “quiet” game, the “let’s-just-all-pretend-Shawn-never-really-did-that”
game since there was no hard evidence that he did what they said he did. And in
doing so, she has been cut off by her parents, some of her siblings and family
members who, unfortunately, are still tied to the family some way, somehow.
Mental Health
“But sometimes I
think we choose our illness, because they benefit us in some way.”
Tara’s mom acknowledges in one
scene that her husband may be suffering from mental illness—a surprise
admission which fizzled into nothing towards the end of the book. Instead of
taking action for her husband’s possible bipolar disorder, she chooses to
accept her husband for who he is and refused to seek help. Despite the negative
effects on her own children and on herself, she goes along and keeps the status
quo. In more ways than one, it is not just about a wife trying to put up with
an abusive husband from which she cannot escape from. It could be about having
no other options because they have grown dependent on the abuser or they have
been conditioned to fear the unknown outside of the life she is already
familiar with. We’d rather make excuses for a very bad situation rather than be
thrust into an unknown place.
Often
times, the person suffering from mental illness is aware and may use it to
manipulate the people around him/her to either get what s/he wants or to make
excuses for bad behavior towards other people without having to apologize and
make amends for it. It is a convenient excuse to have, really, especially since
the onus is on the others to understand that you have “something else going on”
rather than to take a hard look at yourself and make the difficult decision of
dealing with the issues.
Unfortunately,
for those in the family brave enough and unwilling to withstand such abuse
means they may be estranged with the family they grew up with.
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